Monday, April 29, 2013

For Me

Today I went for a bike ride. Something I've been thinking about and pondering came to my mind a few times throughout this ride. First, I was dizzy yesterday to the point I had to put Mimo back in his stall b/c I couldn't stand out there while he grazed. Bleh. Then last night I had this horrible pain in my left shoulder that woke me and left my arm down to my thumb sore. Weird stuff. I also felt a bit out of sorts today as well. But still I decided to ride.

Rookie Tri is this Sunday. What I do now isn't really going to make a difference in how that goes. Therefore, my prevailing thought has been to use it as a baseline for where I'm at given the miniscule amount of training I've put in. On the surface, this is all well and good. Look a bit deeper and I know this is what I *should* do. It's what I *want* to do. Yet I struggle; I know myself very well. As I've looked at this upcoming first tri of 2013 I've felt disappoint already. I haven't even done the damn thing and already I'm disappointed with my performance. How's that for whacked? ;-)

So my mind brought up this idea of doing the tri for myself a few times on this ride. I thought about why I decided to go for a bike ride this evening. Even though I don't think my fitness will improve all that much from now 'til Sunday, I still want to try. I still want to feel healthy and do what I can to give myself the best shot. And so I rode. A short ride, but I felt better than expected considering.

As I came in on Spiedel this thought of Rookie Tri entered my mind again. And truer than I've felt it before, I told myself to do this one for myself. This time. Do it for myself. Swim 300 meters and chill out in the water. Take it easy and enjoy, knowing I can now finally swim after all these years. Ride my bike to the best of my current ability. I can push this a little. No, I don't expect it to be my fastest, I haven't trained for that. But I can still try to rock it out for where I'm at now. Then run 2 miles. It won't be fast. But I can do it and see where I'm at.

So in I came on Spiedel with these thoughts coming to my mind. I thought of Katja and her can-do personality, how she approached things, how she went toward newness instead of backing away. I looked up and there was one of those beautiful clouds with the sun pouring through and gorgeous sunlight streaming from the heavens to the ground. I felt... something. A peace. An acceptance. And maybe some sort of chance I *will* be able to do this one for myself. It seemed to cement my thoughts into place and everything just felt right.

My goals for Rookie Tri - somewhat above in regards to the event itself. But also, to end it feeling proud of myself. Proud for doing this sport I never dreamed I'd do just a short while back. Proud that even though I may not have done much training, my body is still strong enough to be able to do this. I may not win my age group by a long shot, but so what? There will always be those better and worse than me. So in the end, what does it matter except that I am proud of my own accomplishments and the fact that I tried? IF I want to be faster in my next one, I can take the steps to get there. For this one, let's just make it enough that I'm able to complete it and cross that finish line with a biga$$ smile.

For me.

Because I can. And because it IS good enough to simply enjoy the ride (and swim. and run) sometimes. ;-)

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