Osho #20: Holding Back

Holding Back.

Apart from the obvious, holding back oneself, what seems more important is the idea of holding back another. To tie into a dressage experience, I think of having learned a valuable lesson on not holding back from Mimo. He comes with the pretty typical Thoroughbred energy. We often needed stronger brakes vs. more gas pedal. Oh the horrible rides we'd have where he'd have way too much energy and my response would be to try to hold it back. The energy would escalate, then add in a healthy dose of tension once he felt constricted and suddenly it felt like sitting on a tightly wound spring that was waiting for the opportune moment to burst. All hell would break loose & the meltdown was inevitable. A better tactic was to work with him. So he's jazzed up. Be calm & move with him instead, challenging him to channel it a bit by doing lateral work. Move the body in every which direction and suddenly his brain kicked back into gear and he paid attention to what was next. I knew this, yet it was a constant struggle to not immediately react by taking hold.

This lesson of not holding back Mimo has hit home with me from the relationship perspective as well. It feels the same: there's no longer a sense of space and somewhere to go. The relationship becomes stifled, tightly drawn inward, like it's being squeezed by a constricting snake. Most of us will respond, at least in the beginning, by fighting against this as it's in no way comfortable, soothing, or supportive. So many people I know are drawn to their partners for various qualities, traits, and dreams. Somehow along the way these same things become problematic. Why do we do this to each other? Why do we turn on each other and begin to resent what we originally found intriguing, unique, and valuable? There can be many answers to this, but I think often the we only pick out the pieces that tie into what *we* deem to be the good parts & don't accept the whole package until the honeymoon phase is over. A surgeon looks good on paper: smart person, respected career, well-paid, etc... but with that can come a huge tie to the job, often being on call, stress, and long hours. Or the artist who is so creative and sees the world in such an interesting way, but is this going to work for someone who ultimately wants a very structured life? Regardless.... if we love someone, isn't it best to encourage them? Whether it's trying a new sport, hobby, profession, or skill, the beauty is in the process and if he fails, so what? Obviously there can be financial implications, so in this case it needs to be a discussion. And an understanding that some things just aren't in the cards. But with that said, often times there's an alternative to be found. Something that's tied to the original idea and is different, but that still results in similar goodness. Keeping someone from pursuing their desires is going to lead to trouble if that person has a sense of self. To be in a relationship with someone who doesn't support my fantasies by at least dreaming with me will stunt who I am. For this same reason I won't do this to another. I want to be someone's cheerleader, helping to push him onward and upward, not holding the key to a cage I've shoved him into.

Osho #16 Title: The Divided Body

The body exists as both an external and internal united entity, yet at a given time these two entities can be completely divided, or very tightly bound.

The external realm of the body is concerned with appearances. Not from a superficial standpoint, but it is simply what is on the outside and available for others to view. The internal bodily aspect is often much more subtly displayed, though not always.

A division of external and internal bodies can often be used to one's advantage. When nervous about presenting to a large audience, the external body can appear poised and confident, while the internal body is sucking its thumb under a blanket of nerves, insecurities, and fears. Sometimes the external body is covered with scars, battered and bruised, but the internal body remains intact, beautiful and full of strength.

There are times, however, when the body cannot stay divided. When a loved one dies, the physical body can easily be seen as anguished, distraught, saddened and the internal body is equally, typically moreso, experiencing these same things. A woman on her wedding day looks lovely to her new husband, and she typically feels the same way inside.

This division and unification of the external and internal bodies is most fascinating when the inside takes over positively for the outside. There are people who may not strike us as necessarily attractive nor unattractive on the outside, it's insignificant. But their presence draws us in and even without knowing them, we feel their kindness, warmth, and inner glow. The internal body can transcend what the external cannot display. The internal body can make them walk like giants among others.


The external and internal bodies can sometimes argue with each other, but these arguments are generally nowhere near as severe as those between the head and the heart...a topic for another day.

The Special Problem

Tracy & I picked up Everyday Osho: 365 Daily Meditations for the Here and Now and have been reading a meditation a day and discussing. Now, I'm not a fan of this book. Neither is she. I get that it's translated so potentially a lot is lost there. There were meditations we flipped to in the middle of the book that seemed ok, but since we've started from the beginning, so many are just... well, crappy, disparate, and bleh. So we decided to approach this in a new way. We'd read the title and that's it. Then write our own short something, be it Osho-esque ramblings, short story, one liner, whatever fits for that title in our brains. What I like about this is 1) it's fun to share this w/Tracy and discuss it and hear our different perspectives, and 2) hopefully it gets me back to daily writing.
Below is my first, written in ~10 minutes (and it shows).

Osho meditation title: THE SPECIAL PROBLEM

There was a dog named Scooter who had a very special problem.  Christmas was approaching and Scooter wanted to show his friends how much he cared for them, but he was very poor. He had only one bone to his name, with no tool to even divide it amongst his friends. While dozing off to sleep one afternoon, he closed his eyes tightly and made a wish:

“If I could have an endless supply of bones, I could deliver them to my friends everywhere, and they’d realize how much I love them. Please grant me this wish.”

When Scooter woke, imagine his surprise when he found not one, but TWO bones resting by his side. “I wonder where this extra bone came from,” he thought. But, no matter, it was there, and he happily began to think about which friend should receive it.

After a bit, he asked to go outside. In his backyard, he found 7 more bones scattered throughout the grass! Joyously, he went from house to house, leaving a bone for each of his neighborhood dog friends. His friends, in turn, came by to thank him and express their gratitude for his kindness.

Scooter was feeling very good about himself and was overjoyed he could deliver a bone to each friend as a token of appreciation for having them in his life.

Over the next week, bones began to pile up, presenting themselves at an exponential rate. Scooter started to leave them on random street corners and behind garbage cans for the homeless dogs to find, since he had way more than he knew what to do with.

One morning, Scooter woke to find himself not resting comfortably on the floor, but atop a HUGE pile of bones! Startled, he quickly realized the entire house was filled with bones. He clawed and panted his way to the door and went outside, finding even MORE bones scattered everywhere! So many that he couldn’t even see the ground. Sitting on top of one pile were a group of his friends, looking forlorn and scared.

His friends cried out, “Scooter! Please stop bringing us all these bones! Our teeth have become worn from all the chewing. We have nowhere to run as the bones have taken up all the open space. We have nowhere to relieve ourselves as we can’t smell the grass any longer. Please make this stop!”

Scooter was a very sad dog. With his tail between his legs and head hung low, he slunk back inside and began to howl a lonely, deeply mournful wail. Instead of appreciating his love, his friends were angry with him. The stress was too much and he closed his eyes again, pleading to have his wish negated. He lay on his side, feeling unwanted, beaten down, and very upset to have caused his friends such grief.

When Scooter woke, he was back on the floor, one partially chewed bone resting by his side. “Could it be?” he wondered. “Has my wish come true?”

Scooter rose and walked outside. His friends were waiting for him with smiles on their faces. They gathered around him and howled songs of joy. “Scooter! We love YOU! We don’t want your bones, nor toys, nor any other gift from you other than your undying loyalty and friendship which we’ve had all along.”

Scooter beamed with a warmth he’d never felt before. His special problem was not about finding the means to give riches and gifts to his friends. His problem was that up until this moment, he didn’t realize he was special enough inside to give the only gift that truly matters: love.