Monday, October 10, 2011

Lotus Rising, full circle

I've been fascinated by the idea of something said to me recently & can't quite wrap my brain around it nor formulate my thoughts well, but it feels completely and wholly true. I'm aware I wear my heart on my sleeve. Knowing if I'm happy, sad, moved to tears, angry, elated, etc takes no more than looking at my face. It's right there. But that stuff is easy. The $hit hits the fan when it comes to taking things deeper, to getting closer to the *why* & what's happening on the inside & up comes the wall. Stop. Thou shall not enter. Turn around and come back from whence you came b/c you're not making it through. It's intriguing b/c to look back even just a few years ago, I'd without a doubt say that wall came down. Little did I realize that there was another one a bit further behind it.

What are we afraid of? How well do you ever truly get to know yourself or another person? Well, only as well as they let you I suppose, and also only as well as you let yourself. I suspect it has to do w/vulnerability. Opening to emotions on the more inner levels means believing we're capable of dealing w/whatever is in there. Our inner workings can be a pretty damn murky, mucky place. But there's beauty in that. Back to the idea of the lotus flower. Just because you find a place that's hard to see through, that stops you in your tracks and binds you and is full of mud doesn't mean that you can't find absolute loveliness out of it and use it's nutrients to pull you up and come out so much more stunning and full than when you came in. Facing the scary, insecure, terrifying thoughts and emotions we all have inside helps us grow SO much more than ignoring them. Scratching the surface can result in something pretty, no doubt. But you get into those dark places & may go through periods that feel like holy hell, but I promise if you stick with it and keep going and trust in yourself you'll come out with riches you'd have never found otherwise.

We are so, so much stronger than we know. We are capable of amazing things if we believe in ourselves. And there is so much more inside each and every one of us than we realize, but it may take fighting through a helluva lot of muck to get there. I've met people whose negativity or complete lack of zest for life just saps the energy from those around him/her. Life is much too short for that. Reminds me of the human version of the Harry Potter Dementors. Is it worth it to deal w/our internal muck? Absolutely and without a doubt. Do we risk alienating ourselves from others? Mmmm, well, honestly, yes. I think so. But in the end, would you rather surround yourself with those who don't support the true you, or those who have seen you vulnerable and taken your hand and walked with you through those times? What are we waiting for? Knocking down a wall doesn't mean we're fixed, perfect or that there are no more further down the path. Life is one big learning experience and seems we don't ever really *arrive* or *get there*. It's how it should be. To get to the end of the our life path, where there's nowhere left to go, is one of the saddest things I can imagine. Exploring, finding new things to do and see, viewing things as if through the eyes of a curious child, and sometimes diving into our internal muck are what life is all about. Carry on.

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