Osho #20: Holding Back

Holding Back.

Apart from the obvious, holding back oneself, what seems more important is the idea of holding back another. To tie into a dressage experience, I think of having learned a valuable lesson on not holding back from Mimo. He comes with the pretty typical Thoroughbred energy. We often needed stronger brakes vs. more gas pedal. Oh the horrible rides we'd have where he'd have way too much energy and my response would be to try to hold it back. The energy would escalate, then add in a healthy dose of tension once he felt constricted and suddenly it felt like sitting on a tightly wound spring that was waiting for the opportune moment to burst. All hell would break loose & the meltdown was inevitable. A better tactic was to work with him. So he's jazzed up. Be calm & move with him instead, challenging him to channel it a bit by doing lateral work. Move the body in every which direction and suddenly his brain kicked back into gear and he paid attention to what was next. I knew this, yet it was a constant struggle to not immediately react by taking hold.

This lesson of not holding back Mimo has hit home with me from the relationship perspective as well. It feels the same: there's no longer a sense of space and somewhere to go. The relationship becomes stifled, tightly drawn inward, like it's being squeezed by a constricting snake. Most of us will respond, at least in the beginning, by fighting against this as it's in no way comfortable, soothing, or supportive. So many people I know are drawn to their partners for various qualities, traits, and dreams. Somehow along the way these same things become problematic. Why do we do this to each other? Why do we turn on each other and begin to resent what we originally found intriguing, unique, and valuable? There can be many answers to this, but I think often the we only pick out the pieces that tie into what *we* deem to be the good parts & don't accept the whole package until the honeymoon phase is over. A surgeon looks good on paper: smart person, respected career, well-paid, etc... but with that can come a huge tie to the job, often being on call, stress, and long hours. Or the artist who is so creative and sees the world in such an interesting way, but is this going to work for someone who ultimately wants a very structured life? Regardless.... if we love someone, isn't it best to encourage them? Whether it's trying a new sport, hobby, profession, or skill, the beauty is in the process and if he fails, so what? Obviously there can be financial implications, so in this case it needs to be a discussion. And an understanding that some things just aren't in the cards. But with that said, often times there's an alternative to be found. Something that's tied to the original idea and is different, but that still results in similar goodness. Keeping someone from pursuing their desires is going to lead to trouble if that person has a sense of self. To be in a relationship with someone who doesn't support my fantasies by at least dreaming with me will stunt who I am. For this same reason I won't do this to another. I want to be someone's cheerleader, helping to push him onward and upward, not holding the key to a cage I've shoved him into.