There's a constant ebb and flow to most areas in our lives: we're not always happy, energized, and cheerful, nor are we (hopefully) always sad, worried, or bleh. Whereas the Full Moon offers action and light, The New Moon offers space and a time for reflection to reassess the love we have for ourselves and for those in our lives.
Not everyone views life as a playground as I do. As something that allows for exploration, expansion, feelings where maybe there shouldn't be feelings, actions where maybe there shouldn't be actions. Relationships are so important to me. Closeness of all sorts. And I'm typically quite cautious to know where we all stand and ride that ebb and flow while getting to know friends of all sorts better. And then sometimes we toe the line & later wonder: hmmm, well, don't regret that, but did I harm the relationship in any way? The hope is always that what we do and say brings us closer to those we care about, whether friend, partner, or family member.
And so this whole New Moon Love. Cycling through every 4ish weeks, we have the new moon. A time for new beginnings. A time to look at those I've allowed into my heart to shift and move and feel things out. Do you want to stay? Do you want to go? I'll never hold you there against your wish, but there's a spot for you if you want it. I truly love my friends dearly, some moreso than others, but regardless... if I've created this space in my heart for you, I feel some sort of love for you.
Most of the people I know would not be comfortable discussing such things. Telling their feelings for me, nor hearing of my feelings for them. I'm aware of this. And so I restrain. I'm aware many people are afraid to trust closeness. They protect themselves. Even if they do feel love, they're not often ok admitting it. Whether it's embarrassing, it makes them feel too vulnerable, it's opening up too much, or really....they simply don't really give a $hit in this way for their friends.... regardless, this is so not me. If I decide I respect you, if I want to be close with you no matter if it's male or female, platonic or more.... if you touch my heart and I let you into my world then you're in. And I know I'm extremely sensitive & have little tolerance for feeling I've damaged a relationship. I'm questioning this very thing right now and I hate it. I am told no, but I don't feel that. I want a big-a$$, warm, full hug that tells me everything is ok as words aren't resonating. And so our New Moon last week brought in new experiences, and with that new closeness and sharing. It's always interesting when a relationship is taken to a deeper level. There's a period of not quite knowing if a closer connection has been formed, or if it'll return to how it was, or potentially even lessen. But regardless, I look forward to March's New Moon and hope to feel more love for myself and my actions and look back to say I didn't damage any relationships, but mended or deepened some instead. This is always my hope.
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